Shadow Creatures

by midnight♥lullibys   Sep 26, 2005


Cold nips at my fingertips
Holding on to me knees in fear
Of the Shadows dancing in mischief
Death clings onto every tear

Whispers surround you at every corner
Silence calls my name
Urging me to cross the room
Im just a puppet in they're game

Cross over into the depths again.
Pass the line I must'nt pass
They close in and suffocate
They aren't things Nor men

Not alive or Dead, nothing
Not born, just there, existing
Leading me into an airless Pit
Of deceit, lies, eternal Burning

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Very nice job, great flow

  • 18 years ago

    by .

    Haha lovely comment erica SO TOUCHING lol this isn't its just freaky lol but I LOVE IT! lol 5/5
    Becky
    xoxo

  • 18 years ago

    by shawn hoskins

    Very good again i liked it very good 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Holding onto my knees*i think is the correct second line..

    alright, the first three lines flow very well.. and then the thirs totally breaks.. i think a more fluent line, something such as.. while death strangles my soul,.. but that line doesnt seem very fresh, but its a general idea..

    Leading me into an airless Pit
    Of deceit, lies, eternal Burning

    that 'airless pit' part struck me as weird to visualize.. somehow, for whatever reason the line seem out of place,.. to be more technical: airless pit, where fire has to have O2 to burn.. but i might just be dumb,. thats my opinion.. joodjob overall.. not overused rhymes and just good concepts all around.. pZ out

  • 18 years ago

    by ♥•oOo Nikki oOo•♥©

    This Poem Should Already Be Number One, I Admire Your Style Of Writing I Think Your a Terrific Poet With Your Own Unique Style, I Love Dark Poems But I've Never Been a Pro At Writing Them, Good Job Sweetie Keep It Up *Friends Till The End* 5/5 xoxo-Nikki-xoxo

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