A Better Way

by dollwithafrown   Nov 2, 2005


I don't understand what causes the pain
For people to hurt and the Earth to rain
The raindrops of death, falling from high
The suffering and nightmares making us cry
The bad people outside who like to cause trouble
Going around all day in their messed up bubble
The people who take away all the innocent lives
Because they like to play games with guns and knives
What about bombers, who take their own life?
They could kill anyone, sons, daughters, husbands or wives
Or what about those people, who just can't get their way?
So to get what they want, they make other people pay
The people who hurt by the words that they speak
Hurting the innocent and punishing the weak
The kind and caring people watch on in despair
As people destroy their lives and make all things unfair
Will the world ever get better and change for the best?
Please let the guilty be gone and let the innocent rest

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  • 17 years ago

    by Twisted Heart

    The flow was a tad off in places, which threw off the rhythmn of the poem. There were also a few places that you seemed to force a rhyme. Some words could have been used differently.

    I could feel the emotion that you were trying to convey, and it was done splendidly. You showed a deep concern for the write, which was good.

    Overall, it was a poem worth reading.

    Happiness
    Jeannie

  • 17 years ago

    by Letty

    Bravo! This was a very inspiriring piece. I loved the concept of it and I loved the flow. The rhyming was ok. I have only two suggestions:

    1) Break it up into stanzas so that it can be easier to read.

    2) Use more punctuation.

    Those are the only suggestion that I have for you because the poem is great. 5/5 Keep writing!

    Best wishes
    Letty

    P.S. I am very sorry about taking so long to comment on your poem;but, I have been going through some terrible times lately and I haven't had much time to do anything. Again I apologize.

  • 17 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Ooo. I like this one. ^_^ It had loads of meaning, and innocence in it. I just didn't quite like the flow very much. It was like you were cramming too many words into one line, and that ruined the flow. The meaning was great though. Again, summing up the meaning of life in just a few lines. Keep it up. =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 17 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    "Hurting the innocent and punishing the weak"

    I loved that line. Simple but oh so touching and strong. Also the last line finished it off well. I liked it. Well done on this poem, Makes you think. I enjoyed reading it ^.^

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