Won't happen there

Well this is how I am
but tha's how I wanna be
but I'm not really like that
when I think of me

I want to not bother
I want to not care
and I don't wanna give a f.uck
wether or not your there

I want to lie to you
just like you lied to me
but I will never do that
because a liar, I wont be

I wish I could watch
you walking away
and just laugh about it
but have nothing to say

I want you to say mean things to me...
just to make me smile
and I would just stare at you
making you feel stupid all the while

I wish I could tell you
that I honestly dont care
and I wanna mean it...
but that just wont happen there