Dying From the Inside

Good poem, interesting defiantly! You could use your name for the title! I liked it 5/5

Hey! Thanks for reading my poem Haunted by you and giving me good advice on it. I tried to fix the ending that you mentioned there was a problem with, and I was wondering if you could re-read it some time and tell me if it is any better. Thanks so much! I really appreicate your advice. I did like the ideas of this poem here, but yes it could use some work still like you mentioned yourself. I live the ideas I just think the need to be finished. It seemed like you had a pattern at first with the five line thing and then that died out, so I guess I would say stick with that pattern and then finish it or start a new pattern and edit the first part. Some title suggestions might me believe you, falling for you, Left Broken, Mistakenly trusting you . . . or something like that. I like how you poem has a meaning and then goes somewhere. It has great potenial and I really think it can go far. I really loved these lines:

"Honeyed lies dripped from your lips
Eager heart lapped them up"

-Mikochan