Insecurity

I don't want to be this way
but I can't help the way I feel
I try to hard to upkeep my wall
but it's not as thick as steel

I try to hold back my tongue
but I can't change what's on my mind
happiness and purity
in me that you may never find

I try to keep up my act
so you don't see my insecurity
I try so hard to change myself
but I have to accept that, that's just me

I'm afraid of loosing what's mine
that I'm just not good enough
I try to believe what I'm told
but trust me, it's tough

I don't want to change
and yes, I know
this is a bad trait to have
and I should just let it go

I'll never say my opinion
so don't even bother to ask
I'll let people think I'm OK
and I'll continue to hide behind my mask

so many times I've tried to change
but this is all I discern
all I ask for is love
and a little of your concern

be like this, be like that
it's so hard to know what to deem
look at my face you'll see a smile
but remember, nothings what it seems

I see girls who are so perfect and thin
they're so much more beautiful then I
my insecurity takes over, and I'm afraid
that one will catch your eye

there are girls in the libraries
you know that they are smart
others covered in colors
as she tells the world her story through her art

then there are those girls at the mall
who prance around like a preppy cat
how they think they're better than everyone else
but I won't get into that

so many different gorgeous girls
and then there is me
hoping you'll only see my smiles
and not my insecurity

I'm so afraid of anger
even more of hate
I don't want to be this girl
has this become my fate

a girl who is scared
scared of always loosing absolutely everything
I want to keep these good times
that my life with you brings

some days I sit in a crowded room
and yet I feel so alone
I become invisible
to the world I am unknown

I get lost in this world
I'm afraid you will leave
I'm told we'll be forever
but that saying can I believe

they all say I can find happiness
I just have to look within
but I don't have faith in myself
this struggle I will never win

I try to be more positive
but I don't have much to present
I dream things were disparate
but this was the body that to me was sent

Just know I don't want to be this way
but I can't help the way I feel
and every single day my insecurity
reminds me this is real...