Shaken

Victim of compromise before I yet had breathe
To taste the apathy of pain and death
Distressed I resound in subtle reserve
Toward the balance of dawn I swerve
Elegies deny my fallen ambiguity
Lost in the eyes of simple annuity
Forgotten -forever- the taste of hope
The Savior has swallowed each moment I mope
But still I regain no sense of balance at all
And toward the edge I always stumble and fall
Without a light to the pitch black well
It seems -I think- that I already fell
And each sickening black before my eyes
Opens the light to forsaking skies
That leave me no room to move or off I'll tumble
Into yet another deep, despairing tunnel
That seeks for me to bind my eyes and tear
At my flesh on my arms, rip them bare
But the scratches only feel hollow as I
And memories relish the when and why
So as I stumble around this thickening despair
I'll remember a smile I'd seen though knew not where
And reminisce of such bliss and how well I did fair
But now is it all lost to innocent struggle?
I deem to answer that not
Amidst my soul, -it seems- my dreams have turned to rot
Implacable grievances always below
Farther down the surface, farther I know
Destroy my reserve to grow strong
Maybe the reason I'm down so far is I never did long
To ease my stricken grief
Maybe it's really true -Am I on my last leaf?-
Or plunge below farther I shall eject
Because my true reasoning has but left me bereft
How many times I've tumbled -I wonder-
Leaves me reason to fall once more asunder
To count how many spots I fell by looking high
Toward the oblivious perch called the sky
That I've forgotten how to find
-feels for eyes- I've become blind
Wearily searching for drought in this land
Of naught, dredgling, hegemony band
But on I'll fall until I hit
The true bottom of pain and reasonless wit
Till then I'll pretend my pain's but mere glass
That I've shattered right now, I've shattered it past
To a retrievable birch to resound
To pick my hope back off it's limbs and reattach around
My feeble hands