I Wanted To Keep It Up

Lie there clenching my fist real tight,
Trying to fall asleep at night.
Get out of bed, grab the blade,
Start crying, I'm so affraid.
I tried to stop, I kept it up,
I gave in, I'd had enough.
Now I feel worse than ever before,
as I lie here crying on the floor.
I've let everyone down, I want to die,
All I can do is sit and cry.
I'm going to try again, I want to stop,
I hope that next time I'll keep it up.

[well it's self explanitory, I gave in, I feel worse...The stopping is starting again, maybe 2nd time will be easier, let's hope so]