My World

I am so alone;
No one to help me through this Hell I'm living.
Reality has become a dream,
And my mind has become reality.
All my dreams are nightmares.

In my mind I sit in an empty black room
In a fold up metal chair,
Next to me there is an empty relaxing recliner.
It waits for someone
To join me in my pain
And in my suffering.
It waits for someone
To join me in my darkness
And in my lack of self-control.

I am waiting for someone
To risk coming close
And to give a damn about me.
I am waiting for someone
To help me through
And to show me the pinpoints of light in my world.

My mind paints in colour,
But it is just globules and dots
Where the brush had dripped
On it's way to somewhere else.
There are no pictures,
No clear memories,
Only hate and mysterious passion
From the past.

My actual world has nothing but black and gray;
No spots or drips of paint-
Only blood and love stained hands.

All that is around me
Smells of sulky appeal
And bittersweet.
A scent I know all too well.

This life of mine is flavorless.
Nothing has taste.
All elegance has been
Stripped away from me.
I am left with nothing of value.

The same agonizing song
Plays over and over again.
Is this reality?
Or is it in my head?
I know every word by heart
But I could never sing it aloud.
I have memorized every beat
Every note,
But I cannot hum it to you,
Unless you sit in my chair and stayed awhile.