Confessions of a Cutter

I bet you think you're imagining
this blood spilling from my wrist
but i'm just trying to find my piece of mind
i want to prove that i exist.
i'm slowly becoming invisible
and i'm not sure if i'm real
i put that razorblade to my skin
just to make sure i still can feel.
becoming numb was not a choice
and it's become a way of life
its hard to feel anything at all
when you're only friend becomes the knife.
i'm not looking for your pity
i'm just hoping to find a friend
a reason to keep on living
someone on whom i can depend.
and while the floor around me is red
and your eyes are starting to tear
i'm afraid that you still don't know me
because i'm more fragile that i appear.
you believed that i was surviving
i was still breathing, so i was fine
i assure you that you were mistaken
and that i've been broken all this time.
this is not the first time that i've bled
nor is it the first time i wish i've died
and this blood isn't even half of all
those million tears i cried.
to me this is all too familiar a scenario
and you too are the enemy
for i cannot trust one who cannot see
that my biggest nightmare is me.
i'm not an actor just making a scene
and i'm deffinetly not a fake
i'm just another girl on the verge
of making her last deadly mistake.
i'm a moon without a sun
there is no dawn to kill this night
i'm a heart that cannot beat anymore
someone who cannot fight the fight.
this is not a desperate plea for help
its just a document of depression
i give you some more words of darkness
in the form of my empty confession.
you see, tomorrow i'll bandage these wounds
and i know you too will forget
the blood in which i wrote these words
of my greatest failure yet.
and as i close my eyes in hopes
of never opening them again
i will dream of another life
where you would be my friend.
because in truth, you never saw me bleed
you were never here at all
because it is always alone that i cry
and it will always be alone that i fall.
and with wishes of never seeing tomorrow
and new scars upon my wrist
i will cry myself to sleep tonight
because i know tomorrow i'll still exist.