Comments : Depression Game

  • 13 years ago

    by RawrItsDollfacex

    I absoulutley love it...keep up the work...

  • 11 years ago

    by Krysten

    Wow. surpurbe, beatiful, sad and amazing all in one. great flow, great word choice, great poem. i can really relate to this too....(off to comment some more. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by FountainsOfBlood

    I totally agree with the comments above me =]
    this is really good you should be very proud of it
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by isabel

    This is really an amazing poem...i surely can relate to it...
    i like the way it flows, it flows like a melody, so wonderfully real...
    a really sad theme, though...depression is one of the worst things there is...
    fantastic write
    *take care*
    isabel

  • 11 years ago

    by xxTaegan Emilyxx

    For me personally a poem needs more structure BUT i really loved the ending. It was so emotional and the feelings expressed where so real.
    Taegan Emily
    xx

  • 11 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    A beautiful write. :]
    the flow was flawless
    and the wording was great as well.
    an emotional and powerful piece. :]
    really, great write. 5/5. :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Not

    I love this its is truly a good poem has a lot of meaning and feeling into it...5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Nix

    This is greatly written, you expressed sadness and your emotions on a good way and whole poem had very powerful atmosphere with interesting choice of words. Bravo, I enjoyed in this piece.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hawaiizang3l

    I too hate the back and forth feeling of depression! I was just feeling it today at work too! but now im ok. so weird!

    But i really like this poem, many can relate im sure. The saddness and pain shows very well with the word choice.

    Keep it up -n- take care!
    (thank you for r.r.c my poems! :] )

  • 11 years ago

    by Christina

    Very good poem!!! and so sad.........keep up the good work! 5/5

    <3 i love you silly

  • 11 years ago

    by ABake

    Wow, I love the first line. It really intrigued me. But maybe if you added a - after it while in transition two your second line.. But a wonderful way to start your poem.

    Your emotions are really strong and the descriptions are vivid yet clear. I like that. But one suggestion, capitalize all of the first letters in each line. It may not affect the way others look at the poem but for most it kinda makes it uglyl. In a strange way. Lol. Also, always always always capitalize your I's. That is a must. It really turns someone off in a reader type of way. Hope that made sense.

    Other than that I really liked how strong your emotion was. Your flow was relatively smooth. So great job.

    Amber.

  • 11 years ago

    by Shinobi

    This poem's structure emphazised it's meaning, I liked that. The flow was twisted, as you wanted it to be. The choosing of words and rhyming were very good. Nice job 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by RavishingEruption

    Ok quick ? is it depression or a person? that is probably obvious but....
    it is really good. I think the flow could have been A LITTLE smoother. 4/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Alexandra Jade Brewer

    I like how this poem was written it suited the poem well! you are definitely one of my favorite authors!

  • 11 years ago

    by Molly Elizabeth

    5/5! You are a great writer and I can relate to pretty much all of your poems, especially this one! Keep writing, I will be checking back to read more of your work! Take care!

  • 11 years ago

    by Jayden

    Wow! this is an amazing poem so emotional and powerful you can actually see the depression in this poem my favorite part is...

    Tell me- am i here or am i not?
    tell me who i am,
    because i know i have forgot.

    its really well written and remarkable

  • 11 years ago

    by Melpomene

    First up: Your "I"s need to be capitalized. It throws me off to read poetry when proper gramer and punctuation are not used.

    I liked the fact that this piece didn't rhyme. It's good to see people writing poetry that doesn't rhyme. A lot of people think that because it's poetry it has to have a rhyme. I think not.

    I see you've written a free verse poem. I like the fact that you have done this without a structure. It's not as neat as structured poems, though it's a piece of poetry which doesn't deserve to be judged by it's look.

    This poem had a touch of cliche to it. I feel as though i've read it many times before but from different writers. I think that you could try and create something new. Something different. Something unique. I know it's hard when everythings been written about atleast once before but try adding a twist. Or different words for that matter.

    Your vocab was simple, still effective but I would of liked to see some strong word choice been added into this mix. Your words still managed to portray alot of deep emotion though I think it could of been more powerful by better words.

    let my spirit rise from its grave,
    to sing its sweet sacred song.

    I liked the two lines above. The use of alliteration gave them a smoothe effect.

    The flow, Now in places I felt like it was off and in others it felt quite beautiful. Not forced what so ever. I feel as though the flow was only off a touch in places because of the longer lines which held more syllables, as where the shorter lines had less syllables. Try match them up a little bit to create a smoother flow. That usally works for me.

    The imagery within some places was great, others it lacked. I liked some of your description, other places I didn't. Like I said before through stronger words. More powerful poetry is created. I believe that, that would of been the case with the imagery.

    The meaning behind this was a good one because it showed many people who have read this what depression can do to someone. It also helped people who have depression showing them they are not alone and others feel their pain also.

    Overall this was a good piece but not great. It wasn't a favorite from you. I've read a few of your pieces before and I just feel this didn't grasp my attention like the rest did.

    Still the meaning behind it good and the emotion was nicely etched in.

    Good work. ~Mel

  • 11 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    I know a poem does not actually need stanza's to be a poem, but it DOES break up your ideas to make them more managable, I think you could really benefit from this as it will help you determine which piece goes where and will help you switch parts when you think it just doesn't flow right.

    The first line left me no imagination, you already direct the narrative: Wrapped in your never ending circle/ and then you give us more information that I think could have been kept quiet til later. Even implied maybe: Of imaginary love.

    Instead of creating an atmosphere of desperation, which would have helped this piece a lot, you rush it with: Trying to escape/ your arms clench a hold. If you wanted to, you could have used metaphors or something, description even, to show how tight the hold is without saying it: Sometimes LESS you mention and MORE you imply helps the reader's imagination see this poem.

    We get that this piece is a narrative: Removing filler words can help a lot. Once you establish that the writer is an: I. Mentioning the word I more than twice at the most usually becomes unneeded. The same exact thing for you, it's just pounding it in the reader's mind that this is a narrative. In time, this could lead to a loss of focus, and that means less readers who will put an honest comment. Most poems I read, I barely get through but I'll state the reasons why I couldn't, instead of most people who would just slap on a 5/5 comment.

    You mention: Your love is fake. That's just repeating the first line of: Imaginary love.

    You say: Tell me who I am but you must know who you are if you can say: Who I am is no longer who I used to be.

  • 11 years ago

    by sweet escape

    This poem is very strong. it has so much emotion.

    the flow is not consistant but i like it in this poem. it seems to work well for you.

    your style of writing seems almost hypnotic. you draw the reader in and hold them in your web of poetry.

    5/5

    there is nothing i feel needs to be changed, it is a great poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by shawn hoskins

    Very well written and i can relate to it cause i suffer from depression and it sucks lol your very talented