Trust was a Dream

Uncertain
broken
distracted from being
Doubtful as to where I am
lost in space
in a claustrophobic place
emptiness echoing around me
I once knew
who I was
I once knew
where I was going
but I've stepped off that path
fallen by the way
struggling deep in a forest
of thoughts
screaming in my mind
each clamouring for attention
vying for a part to play
while I ignore as best I can
the call to jump
to dive
to burn
to crash
to sleep
endlessly
when I look outside
nothing has changed
or altered...
the sky is still blue
the sun shining
birds singing
wind brushing trees gently
it's only inside
where I choose to hide
that everything appears abnormal
beyond recognition
friends who were so
are no more
because I don't come up to expectations...
not even my own
a million miles from home
on an alien world
where a smile can mean anything
where words are meaningless
sounds to fill in the silence
at least silence is honest...
trust was a dream
I once seemed to share
love turned away
perhaps sensing the tragedy
that was sent to me
a lesson, so it's said
learn well or do it again
and again
and again
until I accept the inevitable
open again
to open myself
to feel my heart skip a beat