Why wont this end

Medically- completely insane
And so deeply in pain
Never knew of a day
When I said get out of the way

Physically- fit
Would never fight or hit
I used to play
And now please just stay away

I wish this day would end
But the depression wont bend
And let me be happy again
and get away from the pain

But I just keep doing my lonely sin
With the knife to my skin
And the pills in my hand
Waiting for this to end

Why wont this end
the depression i am in