My Suicide's Eve

I shut the door
And close my eyes.
I grab the blade
And forget the lies.

I slice my skin
And the crimson runs.
I started to feel...
But again I am numb.

See, I felt a tear
Coming to my eye.
But I sucked it up.
I laughed and lied.

I faked a smile
And brushed it off,
But inside
It burns me soft.

Burns me soft,
Yet sears me numb.
Off with this flesh
That renders me dumb!

This very nature
That renders me weak.
My very being
That renders me meek.

It's your face
That I want to forget.
It's my rape
That I daily regret.

But burned in my mind
Never to leave,
Scarred in my wrists
On my suicide's eve.

Blood draining,
But never to tell
That, though hidden,
I'm living in Hell.

But I want it so as
My face is Grimace...
They look upon me
And feel nothing but premise.

So as they feel
Nothing but hate
As they lay eyes
Upon this face.

Upon this face,
Though lifeless and pale.
It came down to this...
And I never fail.

I betrayed them,
Brought shame to our name,
I did this for me.
I hold the blame.

So I sit
And debate...
Do it now?
Or I wait?

But no more
Trial and error.
My soul departs,
Though heart's with terror.

My letters remain
But my pictures away,
As a silhouette turns
And goes on their way.

-victoria-

*I think that I am going to cut and re-do some of these stanzas... you tell me which ones would be best to leave out or replace. If you like it, let me know... Leave me a comment if either opinion is yours.*