I'm Sorry (I never knew)

Dear Big Sister,
I'm sorry about this.
I never knew your pain.
I never saw your bliss.

I didn't mean what i said.
Do you even remember.
It was said 5 years ago.
Early in December.

I wished that you would leave.
I wished it out loud.
This wish big sister.
Doesn't make me proud.

I wished that you would go.
And that monster would stay.
At that point in time.
I didn't want my daddy to go away.

But i never knew.
The things he did.
I never knew.
The way you hid.

So I'm sorry big sister.
I'm glad now that you stayed.
But i regret my words.
Even on this day.