Magic Pills

It's testing my courage
seeing if I will fail
my happiness is going down
and my depression is increasing on the scale
I watch everyone leave
and suddenly I'm checking outside
making sure no one is home
so they don't see what I have to hide
I peek my head out
looking left, then looking right
"Don't do this" I want to yell
but my mind doesn't put up the fight
for every reason my heart has to live
my mind has three of why I should die
"your ugly, a disgrace" my mind shouts
I try to convince myself that it's all a lie
I had been a cutter for eight years
but now I was through
I want to slumber forever
to get away from people like you
I didn't want to cause myself anymore pain
so I began to think
one day I look over upon my dresser
and my heart began to sink
there lied all my answers
so when I had a day like today
I could be ready
and let people see things my way
I go to lock my door
then I sit and write out my letter
I take out the bottle
and pray my days will get better
I slowly start devouring them
taking one by one
watching the bottle go down
until I am done
soon I get a headache
and then shortness of breath
I begin plummeting to wards the ground
falling to my death
my mind goes blank
and all I see is black
I watch my world slowly slip away
and I don't know how to get it back
I'm in another world
free of pain and sorrow
I want to stay here forever
I'll face the world tomorrow
I start to slip into the darkness
for so long this is where I hid
this darkness has surrounded me forever
I remember coming here when I was a kid
my body begins to tremble
and my soul is being broken
my heart often finds itself shattered
because of words left unspoken
I should've told someone how I felt
but instead I turned to a new remedy
after all I was indestructible
these little white pills couldn't hurt me
I wake to see white lights
as I now found myself in a hospital bed
hating to wake
praying to god I was dead
wasting my life in that prison
two weeks came and went
the Dr. said they pumped everything out
so home was where I was sent
I walked into my darkened room
and over to where I did the deed
I thought my plan over
so the next time I would succeed
another bad day approaches
so I go to get my cure
but this time when I go to get the bottle
I'm just not so sure
I remember how they made me feel
but I also remember what happened subsequently
I don't remember what sweet tastes like
so I got my own form of candy
I thought it would help me through
but it did not
all I had to live for
I had simply forgot
these were not magic pills
they didn't take away my pain, anger, or sorrow
so I'm not going to take them today
and I definitely won't be taking them tomorrow...