A Broken Toy

Another good piece. well worded. No favorite bits I'm afraid.

Brad

P.S. No I'm not with that girl anymore, we broke up life a week or so after I wrote that piece, lol.

Ummm lets see I like the poem just a few things. You switch tenses a little bit, and some words arent really neccessary like 'As if I was a doll
And I was wondering' you dont really need the and there. Ummm and the last line! 'Who you have broken' would probably fit better. But otherwise a good write.

Nice poem, full of emotion. A couple parts were dull. But you had your strong points like

Every time I cried
No one even cared
Every time I fell
No one was there

Very nice flow, best part of the poem I think. 5/5

That was an awesome poem w/ a very creative plot, i have a poem talking about a paper doll u should check it out, it reminds me of urs alot....grrt job, thx for ur comments,
love ya lots,
sore

Great poem, in the last line did you mean 'Whom you have broken'? I stopped for a second and had to go, 'uh?'. This topic reminds me of a picture I saw, as a lot of poems tend to do. The fact it's all one stanza threw me off at the begining, but once I started reading it I forgot. Short and sweet with an effect on the reader, nice job kid.

I wonder why I hadn't clicked on your name earlier and read another of your poems.