How i really feel

Went for a walk,

began to run,

run for my life,

i opened my front door,

ran in,

as i pressed myself against a wall,

as my back laid against it,

my head facing to my feet,

as tears rush down my cheek,

i cry to myself,

cover my wrist,

whisper to myself,

why me?

God please,

send me a message,

saying you need me,

take me away,

from here,

i slide down the wall,

i slightly put my head on my knees,

n i begin to cry,

as i wish for my old life back,

where the abuse wasn\\\'t there,

my family actually cared,

n i haven\\\'t covered myself up,

so know one can know,

how i feel inside,

as my heart is broken up in pieces,

but yet I\\\'m sitting here,

begging you,

begging you to be here,

especially now,

wen i feel like ending my life,

i thought of ways,

yet i still do,

i don\\\'t love the man I\\\'m dating,

because i hate myself,

ways to die,

as the word,

suicidal is haunting my life,

depressed as hell,

i pick myself back up,

put my head against the wall,

i cant hold it in any more,

as I\\\'m beginning to cry,

help me...,

please someone,

i walk in my parents room,

i look for achol,

to cure the pain,

i found some,

n i studder to the stairs,

i sit on them,

and begin to chug back,

i look again but in the bathroom,

of course,

oh man,

what do i see?

its nice n sharp,

it can all end,

i walk up the stairs holding it in my hand,

i look up,

shocked,

as can be,

as i fell to my knees,

i say I\\\'m sorry,

i really am,

i don\\\'t know what came over me,

you look at me,

whisper you don\\\'t need this,

to complete yourself,

as it all hurts now,

but its not worth dying over,

look at me,

walk with me,

lets talk,

i look at you,

and i whisper No,

you don\\\'t know who i am,

but yet neither do i,

this is why I\\\'m trying to end my life,

I\\\'m not worth,

anyones tears,

you tell me I\\\'m wrong,

you said you\\\'d fight side by fight,

until I\\\'d knew I\\\'m alright,

but how would u know?

I\\\'m not sure myself,

i don\\\'t know where i am,

or why?

God hasn\\\'t answer me,

he hasn\\\'t took me away,

to end my memories,

you say your my friend,

is that all?

i corrected you,

you are my best friend,

but i have no clue what i am to you,

i put my head down,

you look me in the eyes and say,

let me see your wrists,

i look at you,

I\\\'m angry yet nervous too,

as my knees shake,

tears drip down,

n my head is spinning around,

don\\\'t think I\\\'m mentally ill,

never call me it okay,

promise me u wont,

cause ill tell you one thing,

thats one of the things that set me off before,

I\\\'ve been called it more then once,

and because of that i tried to end my life,

i cant do this,

but i need to tell you this now,

i have a friend,

we were close,

really close if u know what i mean?

best of friends,

that we could be,

she met a man,

she loved him,

i understood,

but not anymore,

it was me n her,

n now its her n him,

where do i stand to you?

CAN U SEE MY TEARS??

as I\\\'m falling to my knees,

she doesn\\\'t care,

about me, our friendship,

then she wonders why no one tells her anything,

n maybe its because u tell the man u love everything,

I\\\'ve glued my lips,

so i wouldn\\\'t tell a soul,

not even that boy that i like oh so much,

he asks,

Whats wrong?

i say nothing,

he says to me,

are u sure?

i say yes,

turn my head,

n yell inside myself,

No, can you help me?

Baby, please?

how come I\\\'m closing myself?

when i have a chance to open to someone?

the pain is gaining,

n i cant run,

its catching up,

I\\\'m stressed out,

depressed,

i get angry easily,

n i cry myself to sleep,

everyone thinks I\\\'m joking,

when I\\\'m really crying inside,

i try to be serious,

but i guess i joke to much,

n i guess i will never be honest,

of...

how i really feel....