Sad Life

It’s so crazy,
I’m having these feelings.
I’m hurting
It’s really killing me.
So sick and tired of living this life
It’s been a long time.
And it’s becoming part of my life.
I could feel my strength fading away.
I’m not as strong as I used to be before these days.
All I wanted was to live happy,
All I wanted was to live peaceful.
I’m not asking for anything extra special
I just wanna be graceful.
When friends see me,
Outside I’m laughing.
But really inside I’m crying.
Crying for help,
Bad memories are kept.
Every time I feel down.
I can’t turn to anybody,
All I could do is this.
Have pen and paper by my side.
Bcuz I know I’m speaking to something
Sharing my heart.
It seems that I’m bonding.
I hear my feelings on the paper
When I read it
I don’t believe it.
My heart is tearing apart.
Day by day,
Hour by hour
Thoughts feel in my tears
I can’t take it
I’m becoming fierce.
So hard,
So sad
Once again,
I’m needing God’s heart.
I’m hurt and in pain.
I don’t know what I want,
I don’t know what I feel.
My days are darkening
I’m living in fear.
Fear of getting hurt,
Fear of loosing,
Fear of everything,
That a girl accused me.
Accused me of being bad in relationship
Not being responsible,
But really it’s the other way around
I did everything I could to make her proud.
But when I see my face in the mirror,
I see a face that has a slim chance to heal.
Heal from the past life that I lived.
Heal from hurt,
Heal from pain,
Again I hate to play the same game.
I’m living in a confused world.
I need time,
I need space,
I hate having a sad face.
Everybody I see,
They are loud.
They are happy,
They are proud.
I want to be the same,
I want to be happy.
Yes at times I am,
But the happiness turns to sadness.
It’s a change that takes in a blink of an eye.
Not because I miss that someone
Not because I want to keep on loving,
But because the confusion that hits my mind.
At this moment I don’t love anyone.
To be exact I’m in madness.
Full of questions,
I’m searching for answers.
Than on the other hand,
There is someone that caught my eye.
It’s wrong or right
I’m gonna deny.
It’s not the right time.
I don’t wanna cry.
A man crying!
Some people find that romantic,
Some find it weak.
But what it really is
It’s a man with sorrow
Being hit with a break.
At times I know what I want
At times my feelings change
And I don’t know anymore.
Maybe it’s the age.
But I’m not gonna lie to myself and say it is
Bcuz it’s not.
It’s my depressed mind.
It’s a stage that everything’s being denied.
I need someone to tell me.
Tell me what to do.
I’m stuck in a hole
With no rope to pull.
I look up at the stars and seek the truth,
I need someone to make me feel complete.
Bcuz I can’t help my self to live proper,
I can’t help me prosper.
It’s hard,
It’s harsh,
It’s a place I haven’t been on.
I wanna leave,
Leave to another world.
I need Guidance
I need love
Love from someone that will show me different life.
I don’t know what’s going on,
I don’t know what will happen.
I’ll wait, Cuz
I’m curious to see my life’s next chapter.