Cold case

by EssenceOfLace   May 5, 2006


A broken heart,
a bleeding fist,
a silver blade,
against her wrist.
Tears run down to lips unkissed,
ignore her and she wont exist.
She's not the kind you'll come to miss.

A wounded soul,
eyes so blind,
only seeing the pain of life.
Insane in the mind,
broken in time.
Trying to put life,
back in re-wind.

A suicidal spirit,
she thought she was strong.
Now everyone moves on,
when she's over and gone.

Stainful tears run down her face,
a tainted love that cant be replaced.
Just another cold case,
of a life gone to waste.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    You have surprisingly refreshing rhymes.
    Overall this poem is impressive, truly.

    - A broken heart,
    a bleeding fist,
    a silver blade,
    against her wrist.
    Tears run down to lips unkissed,
    ignore her and she wont exist.
    She's not the kind you'll come to miss.-

    ^I like this start, great opening stanza, it is very captivating and unique. You expressed emotions on amazing way and truly interesting stanza. I think that you could use stronger word than -kind- in last line.

    -A wounded soul,
    eyes so blind,
    only seeing the pain of life.
    Insane in the mind,
    broken in time.
    Trying to put life,
    back in re-wind.-

    ^This stanza quite fascinated me, there is some great power within sorrow and simplicity which you described.

    -A suicidal spirit,
    she thought she was strong.
    Now everyone moves on,
    when she's over and gone.-

    ^This is very interesting, I don't like rhyme -strong- and -gone- in my mind that doesn't rhyme.
    Other than that you once again expressed emotions on a good way, first line is truly captivating and original.

    -Stainful tears run down her face,
    a tainted love that cant be replaced.
    Just another cold case,
    of a life gone to waste.-

    ^This is very remarkable , maybe my favorite stanza, except second one, but anyway, you wrote it with interesting rhyme and I like your descriptions, you didn't forced rhyming or ruined atmosphere because of it which is excellent.

    Bravo! I enjoyed very much in this poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Very well-written. I don't normally like these style poems at all. But this one is amazing! The flow was great, the word choice was equally great, and the concept was deep. And I'm still shocked at how well it was written! 5/5 and its more than deserving... great write!

  • 16 years ago

    by ABake

    Wow. I did not expect this for this type of title. Honostly, I liked it. The emotion help me captivated. I ACTUALLY wanted to read more.

    I see this poem is kinda old but is still great. There are a few places where your rhyme seems forced [just me] and your punctuation could be adjusted but other than that a greatly written peice. Wonderful job.

    Amber.

  • 16 years ago

    by Christina

    Wow another great poem written sad but very good!!!! 5/5

    <3 i love you silly

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow...
    This is very powerful and effective.
    I have two suggestions:
    - The I should be capitalized in some places
    - You can try to write this in stanzas (I think that it would make it even more powerful)
    so, it would look something like this:

    A broken heart, a bleeding fist
    a silver blade against my wrist.
    Tears run down to lips unkissed,
    ignore me and I won't exist.
    I'm not the kind you'll come to miss.

    A wounded soul, eyes so blind
    [only seeing pain of life].
    Insane in the mind broken in time,
    trying to put life back in re-wind.

    A suicidal spirit
    [I thought I was strong],
    now everyone moves on
    when I'm over and gone.

    Crimson tears run down my face,
    a tainted love can't be replaced...
    ... Just another case
    of a life gone to waste.
    ^^^
    This is just my interpretation of this piece. It's your poem, you can use any format you like, but I think that this adds greater effect to the flow.

    You did excellent job with rhymes. Emotions are fantastically expressed from the beginning to the end and I could really feel your pain while I was reading this. The imagery that you created is intense and vivid.
    All in all, fantastically done.
    5/5 from me
    Keep writing!