I am a pretty pessimistic person â?? sad but true. Iâ??m always suffocated by the negativity of a situation that it appears the positive is non-existent. I find ways to make people feel bad about themselves even though my conscious me is forever trying to protect and defend those I am surrounded by, sub-consciously â?? I hurt them more than they could ever hurt themselves. I worry about them â?? but they do not know. Every minute, hour, day, night, my mind is focused yet blurry. I cannot see much â?? figuratively speaking â?? my vision is brilliant, but my mind is incomprehensible. Theyâ??ll never know what goes on in my mind nor will I ever learn to express it appropriately.
But I know that I love them. They are all I feel. The blood in my veins â?? it\\\'s them. The glow that can sometimes be seen in my eyes â?? them. Iâ??m always wondering â?? what is Morgan doing? Is she Ok? What is happening with her and James? Has she eaten anything today, this week? She always keeps to herself when she can, some people call her a mighty attention seeker â?? the queen bee of â??loving to always be the centre of attentionâ?? they donâ??t see her like I do, they donâ??t know her like I did. Iâ??ve seen the pain in her eyes â?? like a little kid, sheâ??s so afraid. But not of the darkness, no, sheâ??s afraid of whatâ??s behind the darkness.
What happens when it gets so dark your eyes cannot adjust to the light. What happens then? When you can no longer see or feel or hear. When your brain switches off and your heart switches on and thereâ??s no one there to wrap their arms around you. Cold. Lifeless.
Sheâ??s been there. A place that does not exist to most, that many could hardly believe is real. They couldnâ??t even comprehend it. But she knows. Just like I know, but different. I admire her.
She is not an attention seeker, not in the least. Sheâ??s the bravest person Iâ??ve ever known.
Leah, the one who always seemed so happy, the bully in primary, the girl you were always terrified of but not so much because she was mean, but because she was always laughing and you were jealous of that because deep down you werenâ??t you just pretended to because, you wanted to be like her.
Over the past few years my perception and my fears of Leah have changed. I have learnt that no matter how tough things get and no matter how mean she can be sheâ??s the only person who would never for a second think of abandoning you, or not listening to you. She takes everything in and she doesnâ??t forget it.
