Why.

I like this poem!
but I keep wondering what it is they are wanting to get away from.
good job once again though!

It was good! But from what i notice from all of your poems, you never capatalize...and sometimes you leave words out, go slower look at your punctuation, make sure all your words are there! but other then that it was good 4/5

"i can not stay,"
[cannot]

This one wasn't as good as the first. Seems like you were missing a lot of elements. Flow, rhyme and creativity were there, just not great. You need to write a poem that will 'WOW' people. Keep trying, you'll get better.

Hey, I liked the idea of the poem, but you asked what you could do to make it better? I would say, don't force the rhymes as much, just remember that not every poem has to rhyme and I think it will make it alot better if it's natural.

Hope that helped,

Steph

I concur with the forced rhyming. Perhaps you might want to try free style as your feelings and thoughts can just be released without attempting to rhyme. I like to "let it out" first, and then look at slight massaging. But whatever style ... don't give up, writing soothes the soul!