I write in my journal

I write in my journal
the same dear diary at the top of the page
as usual i pour out my soul
into what i can express in words
my anger flows out of the black pen
my loveliness in my stupid little hearts surrounding my name
i put it back in its hiding place
and lay down and cry
not being able to conceive a reason
for why i am this way
here come the sharp scissors
dragging across my skin
just deep enough to feel the pain
but not to leave scars
i slip on the pants and sweater in 30 degree weather
who really cares
no one will notice ,no worried eyes or concerned faces
kinda just what i wanted
to be ignored
my passion summed up in my humming of songs
my dreams in a few lines
my hope is scrawled all over the page where i have wrote nothing
the usual "love molly" at the end
i am such a liar.