I am Hell. (And Indecision.)

I don't know If I know,
But my subconscious and I battle,
I don't know if I'm alone,
But this Bull seems to have been sattled.

So here I am standing,
At a cross roads of sorts,
A torn mess of emotion,
Lacking everything but remorse.

Every thought seems distant,
I've dually noted that I am lost,
Which way can I go now,
I'm hung by my own cross.

I make things to be simple,
Yet this world rips me down,
I fail my every word how,
Can this be my ninth cloud?

I want to be economical,
Yet it bears a final toll,
I think about the future,
And it's bleak no matter where I go.

I plan my own suicide,
Everyone will think the same,
I run yet again from my problems,
Leaving only myself to blame.

That alternative has crossed,
Even all sane parts of my mind,
Its sick to know what Ive considered,
In the prison of my own crimes.

But I will carry on,
Until the world bids farewell,
Because I know when I am wanted,
Until then I rot in this hell.