The Red String of Fate (A Sean-ian Sonnet)

by Sean Allen   Jun 19, 2006


In the wild was born a gentle flower,
sought after by all men, far and wide:
thieves who wanted to steal the best of her,
and I, who only wished her by my side.

But she seemed too distant for me to touch--
like the divine shine of the Northern Star--
asking her to be mine seemed far too much,
'twas left with naught but to gaze from afar.

But I knew I must have my desire,
my love was deeper than the greatest well.
So I stole a spark of sacred fire;
spun myself a sanctimonious spell.

My angel will never again take flight,
for she cannot leave, it is far too late.
Though she may struggle with all of her might,
she's bound to me by the Red String of Fate.

And now, I'm sure, she can finally see
that far surpassing Will is Destiny.

*Alternate last line:
"that being my girl was her destiny"
tell me which one you like better.
I'd also like recommendations on what section to place this in, it is also a love poem, but it is considerably darker than most.

On a further note:
This is a 'Sean-ian' Sonnet, which is something I made up. People who know their stuff would point out that sonnets are only supposed to have 14 lines. To them I say, "Pish posh!" Just kidding. I say, "I know, I'm sorry." This poem is in iambic pentameter (I hope), and has a rhyme scheme of:
abab
cdcd
efef
ghgh
ii

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    In my opinion you need not make changes, this poem is wonderful just as you have written it. I would also like to add, if I may, that the line "that far surpassing Will is Destiny" has a much greater (and lovely) effect than "that being my girl was her destiny".
    Again, well done. 5 from me. ^^

  • 17 years ago

    by Hannah

    Being my girl was her destiny is much better...the other one made me have to reread it to make sure it was right i don't think you should put him her and out of know where will....just a thought...otherwise i think it's kayoot and yet deep and shit...i liked it..

  • 17 years ago

    by Twisted Heart

    I like the line you have used. As for where to put it. Leave it where it is. It portrays a dark kind of wanting and desire to do whatever it takes to get it. Very well written.

  • 17 years ago

    by Miss Megan

    Amazing poem.
    very touching and deep.
    i like the line you already have better.
    the one wbout the girl was a bit tacky.
    but that's just my opinion.
    very pwerful and meaningful.
    keep up the beautiful work.
    yours truly,
    meg.

  • 17 years ago

    by NannO

    Absutely amazing.. i reli liked the words u put in.. ur 3rd stanza i think was the best.. gave the poem an obsessive feel.. i think u shud put it in dark poems.. tho its bout love, but thats not the first thing that comes to mind when i think "love poems".. (i think it shud be put in its own category :P) jk.. i also like the part where u included the title.. it was very powerful, too..

    the way u ended it is better than the alternate.. the other one sounds clichéd.. and doesnt match with the words in the poem..

    keep up the talent
    take care
    NannO

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