Raped

I keep wiping away the tears
Trying to forget that night
I thought since you were there
Everything would be alright

I never thought you would do
Those awful things you did to me
I get so sick thinking about it
It's so hard for me to believe

Maybe it's my fault
I had a lot to drink
Maybe I was asking for it
I just don't know what to think

You knew I still loved you
But I meant it when I said no
I didn't even know who it was at first
But I guess you didn't think so

In the morning when I woke up
I thought it was a nightmare
But when I looked around
I still saw you standing there

I pretended to be okay
I didn't want to hurt you
You were the love of my life
I didn't want to be weak; not in front of you

So I smiled and hugged you
In front of all of your friends
Pretending it was like any other party
And any other weekend

But when everyone left
I couldn't hold back the tears
How could you be the guy
I had loved for 3 years?

I couldn't get out of my bed
Or tell anyone at all
I just pretended I was alright
I didn't stumble I didn't fall

I laid awake all night
Remembering what you did to me
But you pretended nothing happened
It was all make-believe

I took so many showers
I just felt so dirty
And I couldn't figure out
Why you would want to hurt me

It's been over 9 months
But it feels like yesterday
And all i can do is sit here
And wipe the tears away

I can't seem to trust another guy
As hard as I try
It's not their fault
But I can't tell them why

And yet I love you so much
But you ruined my life
So quickly I returned
To the comfort of the knife

I want to tell someone
I swear I do
But I can't
Because I'm to afraid of hurting you