Dilemmas

Sometimes I cant fall asleep,
Other times I cant wake.

I want not to say a word to you,
But I want to scream at you.

I want not to smile in front of you,
But what you said was humorous.

I want not to cry over you,
But these tears seem not to stop.

I want not the pain to comfort me,
But its the only thing that works.
Since you have been away.

So many dilemmas:
I want not to continue,
But I do so.