Would you Care

by ms.understood   Jul 8, 2006


Would you care if i slit my wrists
straight up and down?
Would you throw fists,
smile or frown?
Would you care if I hung myself,
I will if you don't care.
Would you blame yourself,
it is your fault, you weren't there!

Is this how Johnny felt,
was I his cause?
I know how he felt he wasn't scared,
now I wish he wasn't all by himself.
I'd give it all to have been there,
now he's left me all by myself.

I can't feel the pain now, it's numb,
so what if I die, Johnny's there!
The voices echo, "You're so DUMB,"
they don't know, they don't care.
So shove the dagger in my heart,
slide it over my arms.
I'll just say it's my art,
no one really cares about the harm.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by xxMagioxx

    Wow great rhyme pattern ab ab ab

    Tony :) thxs for commenting on my

  • 17 years ago

    by Pure Silence

    If your still looking for an edit, heres a start for you, try and step away from the rhyming. focus more on your intent and the words will roll onto the page with out a second thought:

    Would you care if I slit my wrists, straight up and down?
    Would you throw fists, and give up on me?
    Would you care if I hung myself, come on baby, tempt me
    Would you blame yourself, cause I won’t blame me

    Is this how Johnny felt, as we left him all alone?
    Is he sitting off in the distance, blaming me today?
    Is this how we end it, you and I alone, you left me.

    whether you use this or not it is your choice, but you must finish the poem. And make it still your own

    Love always
    Jenn

  • 17 years ago

    by christina marie

    True true. Forced rhyming.
    But overall. It was a good write.

    It had a shaky structure..
    It all didn't, hmm, fit.
    You know what I mean?
    Build a stronger poem. =)

    5/5
    LOLLI

  • 17 years ago

    by Erika

    Sis you know ill always be here let it flow you can always get better your really good just let it happen and waa i have writers block

  • 17 years ago

    by Tine

    It's very nicely written, you know..You have lots of feeling in your poem!! 5/5

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