....There's this feeling....
I wish I was numb to it.
This feeling that I'm so empty inside, this feeling like there's nothing around me. Like everything is hopeless. Like everything is lost.
The feeling of vast, and undeniable nothing.
Like the world was bare. With no trees, no people. Nothing material.
Nothing but the brown dirt under my feet, still warm with the lost caress of the sun. With footprints and borders. Everything that was, and is no longer.
Nothing but the vast, black skies above me. No stars, no shine. Dark with pity to my lonely soul , holding no comfort. No clouds, no sun.
Nothing.
Just me, standing there. Alone, bare, and longing to feel.
This inexplicable feeling, always leads to another akin to it.
Inexplicable, yes. Though the polar opposite.
This feeling of empty and nothing, induces frustration and anger.
The overwhelming sensation of too much. Too much in too little time.
In no time at all, this empty world is too crowded.
It's too noisy, too everything.
The once bare horizon is unseen, completely covered by so much.
Too much.
I'm squeezed and pushed by everyone as they walk, run, and move by.
I'm shoved and cornered. Scared and overwhelmed.
It's so crowded, an explosion of noise filling my ears.
No sound can be identified, it's too loud.
So loud it hurts.
The sky is filled by so much. First it's light, blinding light. It's too much light. It's too bright. Then there are so many clouds making it too gray.
It's pouring. It's raining.
Yet my skin is dry, and I can't feel the cold drops.
It's raining, and it's crowded.
I start to feel like a volcano reaching it's peak. Trying to erupt. To blow off the pressure.
There is this invisible force that's compressing me. Keeping the pressure steady, evenly at every side.
It's pushing me, it's squeezing me. It makes me small and keeps it all inside.
My mouth is open, and I'm yelling. I'm yelling so loud.
My vocal chords become tense, they ache.
I'm yelling so loud my throat tries to clench shut.
I'm yelling so loud my lungs threaten to stop their function.
My voice is strained, and I try to stop the piercing scream.
I can't.
My lungs pressure me, my voice box threatens to burst into flames.
Yet, I can't stop.
The feeling engulfs my body, burning me deep. Burning me inside out.
And I can't.
I. Can't. Stop.
No one hears the desperate cry my soul dares to give. No ones notices.
No one even glances my way.
And when my body feels like collapsing, when I think my lungs will burst, I stop.
Just like I started, my voice dies.
It dies to bring silence, it dies to clear the pressure surrounding me.
My voice dies off, and I can't feel anymore.
I can'tsee anything, the bare horizon pronouncing itself once again.
Just like that I'm back to the bare earth.
Nothing but the ground beneath my feet that misses the caress of the sun and the wet of the rain.
Nothing but the vast empty skies, with no light and no gray.
It's dark and unfilled. There is nothing.
So here I am, in midst of this never ending cycle.
I want be numb to the overwhelming, and feel the lonely nothing.
I can't break free, and I find myself chained to the ground.
I can be swallowed by the nothing, or be trampled by everything.
I stop, and try to break away. My manacles won't be torn, they won't be undone.
They won't rust with the rain, or break to let me go into nothing.
It's like theyre part of me, fitting so snugly it hurts. So tight that they rip into my skin.
They're a part of me, and I want to get rid off them.
This nothing is everything. This everything is nothing.
I pull and struggle against these chains, to no avail.
Help Me!
Help. Me.
I need to get out of these chains, away from these manacles.
I. Need. To. Find. The. Key.
