So Afraid

When the rain falls it reminds me of my tears, the ones
that I have hid inside me for so many years.
So afraid to let them out, so afraid to let them go,
so afaid to be me, so afraid for people to know.
But at the same time I dont know how to feel,
I dont know how to act, is there something holding
all my emotions back?
Are those my true emotions? Is this really how I feel
or is it my imagination telling me whats real?
Do I want to stay like this or do I want it to go away?
This is what I ask the lord when ever I pray.
I just cant bring myself to break down and cry. I know
its in me, I just dont know why.
If I let my emotions out once will it have to stay? Will I
have to show my true emotions each and every day?
If I let it out now can things go back the way they where?
Life being confusing and a bit of a blurr?
That way I wont be too happy or too mad, too frustated
or too sad.
So I can be back in the middle where I felt I belong, some
where that I couln't possibly be too wrong.
But if I stay like this will my life turn bad? Will I be lonely,
never happy and always sad?
Which one do I trust? Which way do I go? Which way do
I turn? How do I know?
Maybe I should just let it out and let everyone see, what
am I afraid of? Me being me?
What if im not strong enough and I let it back in? Than
what happens? Am I stuck fighting to never win?
What if I fight and get close to the end but than go back
to the beginning. What if I keep going in this circle of me never winning?
Why am I so confused about how to feel? How do I not know whats
really real?

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