Am i a disappointment

Silence is my enemy
Silence breaks me down
Silence keeps me screaming
But the noise is bringing me down

Does anybody notice i stopped breathing?
does anybody care enough to look
Does anybody care how it happened
it sucks that the only thing nonjudgmental is my book.

I'm screaming on the inside
and all i can end up doing
is fixate on these simple words
but my heart just keeps boo-ing.

In his eyes I'm nothing
In his eyes I'm dead
he doesn't stop to realize
that because of him I'm loosing my head.

he tells me to cut on deeper
deeper and deeper into my flesh
so i sit here with a knife in hand
and make my cuts more fresh

i pick at myself each day
to make my troubles go away
but they always seem to haunt me
and it sucks because they want me

i want to be perfect
so he doesn't call me a mistake
that he wishes i would just die
that I m nothing but a fake

my friends try to help me
but i just push them away
i tell them nothing is wrong
but they notice it everyday

a smile is imprinted on my face
but when I'm alone i cry
because the day my dad turned his back on me
was the day i started to die..

am i just a disappointment?
am i supposed to be lost?
am i supposed to give up on myself
is my life the deadly cost?