The Phonecall

Hear the phone ring
No number is shown,
That you were there
I could not have know.
I answer the phone
And hear your voice,
I freeze to the spot
Blood turns to ice.

I should have hung up
Refused to speak to you,
It would be my right
After all you put me through...
But no I had to answer
I had to stay on the line,
Allow you to play your games
One final time.

You proceed to apologise
For all you did wrong,
Say that you've changed
But I know it won't last long.
I refuse to believe you,
Though I want to within
I want to forgive you
Forget your every sin.
But I know it's not possible
You're just telling lies,
As I realise this
A part of me dies.

So you now change you tactics
No longer act nice,
For your sick mind games
Shall never suffice.
You begin to insult me
Convince me of your words,
I begin to believe you
Find truth in all I have heard.

I know I'm pathetic
I know that I'm weak,
But please don't tell me
I can't take such critique.

I'm pathetic
And useless,
Worthless
And weak.
A failure
And let down,
Who's future
Looks bleak.

I know this already
And you speak the truth,
To say otherwise
There is no real proof.
But I was trying to recover
To become more than I am,
Was trying to get better
To be all I can.
Then you had to ring me
Put me back in my place,
Show me for all I am
A failure and disgrace.

I don't know why I listen
Why I believe all you say.
Why I let it get to me
Allow my soul to decay.
So I now sit here shaking
Still numb from your voice,
Want to forget all that happened
But Don't have that choice.
Those words cut though me
Like a cold blade of steel,
Tearing my soul
And leaving little to feel,
Making me feel like a child again
Fearing your nightly routine
Hiding in a corner
Trying to remain unseen.

I'm pathetic
And useless,
Worthless
And weak.
A failure
And let down,
Who's future
Looks bleak.

Crying and shaking
All you did was phone!
I shouldn't have answered,
I should have known.

________________________

my father phoned me the other day :(