Not today

Not today, not today,
We've been through this before
It's crazy how it goes sometimes
And days you have to get up
And walk out through the rain
With the baggage of the world
Which is what a bleeding heart can weigh
And seeing you was easier
When I didn't know your name
And loving you would be better
If you didn't know that I
Go dancing in the rain
Like the nighttime when it snows
Feel like gravity is cheating me
And that you
Are the most amazing person I've ever met
And if my mind is done with this
But the rest of me
Isn't cooperating
And letting go is harder
When I can't tell up from down
Some days, they feel God-sent
And some days I'd rather die
And I look for the immunity
A shot to block out love
For problems I'm sick of knowing
Like the fingers on my hand
Without you I'd be fine
I swear I'd be alright
Things would keep me down
And there's no one like you
To keep me thinking I've got wings
But it's hard to see them there
When you're so much like a rollercoaster
And days I'm too below the clouds
To see the stars
And not knowing if they're there
I can't say I know for sure
Because yesterday I swore you loved me
And now I couldn't feel more hated
So how can you expect me
To rely on rationality
When I'm sinking
With the most un-rational feeling
The world will ever know
And I feel like just sobbing
At such small unworldly things
Because I can stand strong
Through the hell
That we're cast into
Every time to time
But I think I cried for hours
When you left yesterday
Without saying goodbye
And I want more than anything to tell you
But I don't want to lose you
Anymore than I want
To go on l like this
Not knowing
What to do
And fearing my fear
Has finally go the best of me...