Help mum

This poem is ok. It has a message that is interesting, a rhyme scheme that is even and meter that is balanced.

But it doesn't grip me. I think it needs more emotion. Maybe the diction feels a little generic or i've this kind poem too many times before in one form or another.

What can you do to this poem to make it stand out above the rest?

The only thing I would change in it's present form, should you wish to ignore the above is replace the 'just' in the fourth line of the first stanza. You have already used it in the stanza and as the form is so short it seems a littl repetitive. That or swap it with 'don't' so the line flows a little bit easier.

you have talent, I think you need to broaden your horizons though. Try some abstract poetry, perhaps about an ornament or toy in your bedroom and it makes you feel and remember. But don't dwell on ill thoughts, write something uplifting and comforting.

Bret

Thats a really touching poem, a five from me!

Don't bring yourself down hunni, this oem was very touching and heartfelt...I loved it and I felt your pain. I wish that you and your mom could work things out, I am sorry!!
I am here for you baby, you know that. I love you

- Sabrina