Just this once

Why isn't happiness?
A part of my life
Why do I end up?
Going under the knife

The blood flows free
The pain is relieving
My life will not change
Those thoughts were deceiving

Where's my help?
Who is my teacher?
To teach me what's right
And not be my preacher

I continue to hurt
With Substantial pain
Taking over my body
Forever it will reign

I get told I'm loved
That's hardly even true
Love makes me happy
That's not what they do

I'm they're own flesh and blood
Yet not one is my saviour
He doesn't come close
With his childish behaviour

So I continue to bleed
Seeing the fast flowing blood
It makes it all clear
That they never understood

They don't know me
They don't know how I feel
It's more this time
The pain is unreal

My body weakens
And my eye's big closure
It's the only way to end
My painful exposure

My life's been nothing
Nothing happy, nothing great
He'll never understand
Because he could never relate

He'd always say he was sorry
When he'd see he's crossed the line
He'd always think that's enough
As if that one word was fine

I need more than that
To repair my torn heart
I hope this sinks in
Because he ripped me apart

Him not being there
Him not doing what's right
Him always being the one
To leave me crying through the night

I've been left to suffer
Because he can't be my dad
He hasn't earned the right
And it still makes me sad

He doesn't even try
He can only sit and shout
Lets see how he reacts
When I'm down and out

So as I go now
As I lay down and die
I hope he can see
His love was a lie

He can just this once
Take the time to see
That he did this
He forced this on me

It's the only way to show him
The only way he'll care
When he sees done
I hope its pain he can't bare

Just this once
It's goodbye from me
Goodbye from the failure
A father? he wasn't to me.