Don't want to believe

I'm so lost and confused
I'm not sure of what to do
How could you leave me like this
Please tell me this isn't true
Now I not only have my issues
But now I also have yours
I don't know how much more I can take
I don't want to know whats in store
I understand why you left
But I'm upset that you did
You wouldn't confront your problems
You just ran away and hid
I use to hide with you
But I just couldn't anymore
I finally stood up for I wanted wanted
I picked myself up off the floor
I know I left you behind
And now that's my biggest regret
What you did to yourself
I will never forget
You said you were done
You said you were clean
But I guess what you said
Wasn't as it seemed
I know it was too much
Believe me I know
Because now I have your burdens
With nothing but bruises to show
You were my best friend
I told you we could stick it out
But apparently you didn't believe me
I guess you had your doubts
I stuck to my promise
I thought you would too
But when I saw your body
I knew that was something you didn't do
I don't know what I'm doing
And my mind feels like its going to burst
Everything is falling apart
Feels like it couldn't get much worse
Right now I should be happy
But guess what I'm not
Both of our lives were changing for the better
Or is that something you forgot
I'm so hurt and upset
And now alls I can do is cry
Your little sister is probably tired
Of seeing me with tear filled eyes
I want you to come back
But I know you never will
I don't want to go on like this
And yet I'm here still
I can't just drop everything
At least not like you
I would leave so much behind
I have to pull through
I know it will get better
Even if it looks bad now
I just wish you understood that
I wish you could come back somehow
But I know you can't
And I have no choice but to move on
I know it will be painful
But I have to stay strong
You will always be here
With me in my heart
Even though you took your own life
And tore us apart
Know that I don't blame you
And sometimes I think you're right
But I choose to look past it
Look for the light
I miss you so much
No words could ever explain
You left without a good-bye
I wish I could erase your pain
I'm sorry I didn't say good-bye
But that's something that I can't do
Even though I know you're dead
I just don't want to believe it's true...