Numbness has consumed my heart.
Perhaps I couldn’t feel from start.
Somehow, I cannot be shocked into fright,
Locked into love or even defend with might.
Strange! I do not grow green with envy.
I do not go mad from simple jealousy.
I cannot feel a tear down my cheek,
Or hurt from all the pain I seek.
Emptiness; that’s what in my soul lies.
Numbness; that’s how my heart dies.
Blankness; that’s when my sanity goes.
Nothingness; that’s what’s left of these shows.
My words! These you hang hopelessly onto.
I would silence but I cannot do that to you.
You will listen but never know,
I want to leave but I cannot go…
Why must I fill this paper with life?
Why can I not leave by way of knife?
I cannot fear the death I long for,
Nor can I feel like I did once before.
Stop! Please; oh these unforgivable thoughts!
These memories, the small forget-me-nots;
How sweet, how caring, how surreal,
Will I ever again be able to feel?
I wish the words would cease.
Yet I don’t want that at the least.
I want to continue before the numb;
The numbness that I know will come.
Please! I beg of you, don’t leave me here.
I know; I’m sorry for each agonizing year.
Forgive me, for this weight that I bear,
Is now too much for me to hold there.
I’ve never asked for anything of you,
And you asked nothing of me too.
But now, years have slowly gone by,
Wait now and the next decade will fly…
My heart! It is no longer with me.
The beats slow to a stop complete.
It feels nothing and may feel never again,
Oh, how a mind is uncluttered in the end.
This death is greeted by none.
My life is nearly over and done.
Read no more the words I write.
Just listen for my ghost one night.
Awaken! I will be there for you all.
We’ll leave, our beings rising from fall.
To breathe, to live, and to be free!
Numbness of heart no longer to be…
