Your Last Moment, My Last Breath

by Void   Oct 13, 2006


(I love that title, but not for this poem... It doesn't Quite fit, does it?)

Relieve me of the burning
from your cold and icy eyes,
for my heart is growing weary.
These damned lashes, not holding back what they should,
as the splash, splash, splashing of my own tear drops
and the tick,tick ticking of your fading heartbeat
...plays,plays plays again in my ears.

Like bugs burrowing in wrotten wood,
memories of us are scratching they're way through my skull,
finding even more corners to hide.
Leaving their emptied shells,
(my emotion) just lying there.
-Waiting to be thrown away.

splash, splash, splashing of my own tear drops.
Tick, tick, ticking of your fading heartbeat
...plays,plays,plays again in my ears.

Rock our bodies back and forth,
you're frail body heavy on my arms,
but this anger even heavier on my consience.
I watch your soul fight its way into the night,
and close the curtains on your pupils.

Relieve me of the burning from your cold and icy eyes,
and let my heart be taken with you.

Drip, drip, dripping of my drying tears.
Tick, tick, slowing of your faded heart
...plays, plays, plays again in my ears.

-Stefhy-

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Polaroid

    Ya, the title might not of fit too well, but still, thats a good thing, then the title doesn't give TOO much away..

    my favorite element of this piece of writing was the repeated words:

    "These damned lashes, not holding back what they should,
    as the splash, splash, splashing of my own tear drops
    and the tick,tick ticking of your fading heartbeat
    ...plays,plays plays again in my ears."

    Great job.

  • 16 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is good...and i like the repeatition in this... it really made the poem stand out... but no the title doesnt really go with the poem although its a great title.

    nice job.

  • 17 years ago

    by ~me~

    Very good 5/5 i loved it
    wow we have the same name ME woooooop how cool loving it !!!
    me x x x x

  • 17 years ago

    by Midnight Sun

    This poem was absolutely beautiful. I mean it was so deep and just amazing. You did awesome. ( I just hope I don't run out of things to say on 7 of your poems,lol ).
    But really this poem had a unique set up but it really flowed nicely. Great poem and congrats on winning the contest. That was beautiful too!
    ~Midnight Sun

  • 17 years ago

    by Kalgalath

    I dont really think that the title matches all that well but it was a good poem. and im not understanding why you reapeated choice words so much. i think that it makes it confusing. now about that comment you left me. i take no offense to it. i know that it could be better but it was for a contest that i wasnt able to enter it it. the bedlight for blue eyes is a music artist and i put it there next to one of thier song titles. it was a favorite song title contest so yeah. but now that i got that little comment from you i am ging to make it better. i didnt know how to tell you this without leaving you a coment. sorry.

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