Have you ever done something because someone told you you cant? because someone told you you werent strong enough?and even if that thing, really was showing that you were weak?have you ever just done it to prove to them you could?becaue you know that you can? you want to prove it so bad because you're sure that you can take the pain..
but maybe you're not really proving that you can take the pain, or being stronger in any way.. becasue to prove to them that you can take the pian, you have to be strong enough not to do that certian thing.
never the less, you did it. you had to s how them that you could. because being shuved away that way and told u didnt understand wasnt good enough for you. you had to do it.. cuz you knew you could..
but then, suddenly you find yourself in this dark world. spinning around and not being able to show this person that you really did it.. that you took that pain. you look aroudn for them to run to and show.. show what you've done... or what they've done.. how you've ruioned yourself..
but everywhere they look they hide they wont talk bout it because its uncomfortable. then agian, you find yourself so alone.. so alone that you have no one that will understand, and you find it impossible to stop your mistakes. one mistake after another.. and another... each time getting worse and worse.. you now have no fear of what happends becaue you cant feel this pain that you were proving anymore.
things begin to get worse then ever. your life suddenly drops down hill and you have no one once again. you leave all of your frirends and change to a new place. this place, the people are stubborn and unfriendly. starting a month into this school, you try to make new friends because you dont want to be alone... but then you ask yourself.. is it because u dont want to, or your afraid to?
you make so-called friends quickly. you trust them immedialtly because you find yourself needing someone despirtaly to help you through your downstage at life. at first your happy you met someone who's going through the same thing as you, but then as time goes by, they decide that your not good enough. they drop you right there.. in the middle of the dark and you cant see anything.. you cant stand and you become helpless
losing everyone and having not one person who you can trust. the other friends that have now betrayed you becoem stiff to you and call out names. they tell everyone of your secrets and spread it around the school. people look at you strangly, and make it imposssible to make new freinds.
now, your stuck to deal with your problems on your own. you ask yourself if thers a point in trying to make new freinds. you decide not to even try because whats the point. everyone you've ever trusted has betrayed you.. left you all alone with no one. you go to the one thing that has always been there for you.. that cant ever leave you, and you deal with your problems that way.. the way once you had tried to prove.
but this time its not too hard to prove. your not even trying to prove anymore. its not hurting becaue your numb. your numb in the indside and the outdise. you have no one and your scared. you could carelesss what happends to you at this time. once decided maybe to leave this world. but you change your mind.
then, news comes. you have to leave your state.. go to somewhere knew. you think, maybe this wont be so bad. maybe i can start over and make new friensd who wont do this to me.. creat me such pain, or cause pain on myself. you leave.. to start your new life.
you've found reasons not to do this to yourself anymore. partly because your family will find out again and they check to make sure your okay, and partly becaue you think that 2 years has been enough. you find yourself wanting to stop. stop doing this to yourself and maybe others? but its so hard.
after a few months you've finaly began to stop. you dont do it anymore but you stil think of it..even once you've recovered thoughts remind you again. sayings people will say jokiingly break you inside and make it impossible to let those all memories fade.. but you think to yourself.. the way i started was to prove somting to a friend.. a friend who said i cant do it. Maybe it's time to prove somting to myself.... somting i say i cant do..
