I cAn'T hElp It

I try, oh so ever hard,
but I just keep doing it,
I stuff it up, my life,
my relationships,
I'm loosing myself, beneath,
beneath it, all these lies,
can't explain,
can't help it,
don't come near me,
i'll just drag you down too.
I want, oh to scream so loud,
my family went out, i fell,
down on my knees,
i couldn't get back up,
i couldn't breathe, couldn't,
choking, tears coming too fast,
drowning, go away, go away,
you promised, i promised,
i promise you, you promise me,
pull me back up when i'm down.
I tried, oh so ever hard,
to help you, but you learned from me,
not to open yourself up,
then i did it, now i don\t
you may not realised, but i'm doing what i'm good at,
i'm slowly, slowly shutting off,
bringing my heart to,
a standstill, stop pumping heart,
i can't make it stop though,
i try,
i can't explain it,
i can't help it.
I scream, oh so ever loud,
in my mind, of course,
you can't hear, it's silent,
silent crying, screaming, dying,
oh my thighs hurt,
go away before i used you like i use,
like i use the razor,
smiles get fake, but i keep smiling,
i can't explain it,
i can't help it.

+.+ Not a rhyming one, but it's all my feelings, i hate myself for telling my friends secrets, but i don't do it anymore, and i hope, i hope they can learn to trust me again. +.+