Brought To Use, By Self-abuse

Its one thing when someone else hurts you, but what about when you hurt yourself?
When you're not afraid of pain and do anything to cause it?
To be so emotionless that you have to cause yourself harm, just to feel.
Numbness taking over your body until the stinging of a blade is upon your forearm.
Placing carvings, each telling of a time when you see yourself as worthless.
Having such hatred for the world, but blaming yourself, so you have to be punished.
Or having to release frustration and stress that is building up inside.
So you slit your own wrists, creating small gaps for blood to rush through.
Knowing that the sight of your own blood, was by your choice.
Blood trickling to your finger tips, letting you know that you have some control.
Control over one thing in this world that tells you what you're supposed to be like.
Telling you how to act and what you're to look like and how you are to feel.
These small gashes are like rebellion, doing something that is over looked and wrong.
A feeling of intensity and adrenalin racing throughout you like lightening.
Comforting you when there is nothing else in the world to do so.
In a way being your only friend, razors being the one thing left that hasn't denied you.
That hasn't let you down, broken your spirits and thrown you down an alley of denial.
Yet at the same time once it's all done, after you have committed the crime of pain.
You feel so low and weak that you have gone around in a circle. Ending where you had first begun.
Cutting yourself is death in all, the beginning of your fatal end.
Hurting yourself until there is no more pain to be felt, yet the pain somehow always comes back.
Arriving in a harder blow, causing a harder pressure upon you with sharper objects.
It's an obsession that is hard to over come and will never fully leave your system.
Always hinting at you to release the tight grip of self-control that you posses for that time.
Hearing the simple word cut haunts you for the rest of your life.
Making you remember how it feels and how it would sooth the roughest of times.
The reality of it all is that, this is what it is to feel and to be inside the mind of a cutter. -