When I Get Out

When I am free of this cage
When I can fly free of rage
When I can smile and know it's real
When I can say I can finally heal

Yeah, when I release all of this doubt
That's when I'll get out

When I can look around me and be happy
When I can laugh and never stop
When I can disregard the smoke
When I can ignore the alcohol and its every drop

Yeah, when I release all of this doubt
That's when I'll get out

There's someone in that mirror that I just can't recognize
That hoodie she's wearing is covering up all her lies
The eyeliner and mascara helps hide the cries
That troublemaker attitude keeps her at rise
There's someone in that mirror that I don't know
Those jeans she has on so her legs don't show
The random bracelets conceal the marks so her friends don't go
The way she smiles, the way she laughs--it all just adds to her show
There's someone in that mirror that doesn't look like me
The way that cigarette fits in her fingers between
The way her heart just screams to be free
The way that alcohol pours down her throat and how she doesn't care who see's

I hear her make a wish every night when she goes to turn out the light
She wishes for safety for the friends she has and prays them to always keep their sight
Tears roll down her cheeks every time the sun fades and the moon appears
And when the sun returns to bring in the new day there's a smile here
I've watched the beginning to every cut and I know the story to every scar
I've watched her yell for help and reach out so far
I've seen her face stare at me tears falling from her eyes
I've seen the shame in her heart every time a cut is discovered and she's forced to lie

I've watched her fall, stand tall, lose it all and attempt to at least crawl
I've seen her be on top of the ball, I've heard her call and I've seen the things she's saw
But when push comes to shove, the answer boils down
To who's going to be around when she smiles but really frowns
I know this girl inside and out and I know everything that goes on in her head
I know what she's all about, all her confusion and thoughts and wishes to be dead
Everything she was, everything she is, and everything she will be
Is all reflected in who you see in me

I know how strong she is and how mad she gets when she's wrong
I know how short of time she takes with certain people and certain things and how long
I know her wishes, her aspirations, her prayers, wants, and her dreams
I know every time they've ripped to shreds and torn her at the seams
I know of everything that's ever run through her mind
I know every time she shut down any helpful signs
I know of every time she's slipped and hit the ground
I know her so well because she's me every time I frown

When I get out of me
All of y'all will see
This smile will never leave me
This laugh will become me
I'll be happy and I'll be real
Never have a scar left to conceal
I'll be the best I've ever been
But I'm nothing until I get rid of that girl within

Copyright, Taylor Brown, 2006-11-21