Perfections Finest

Perfection at its pure finest,
Is what I strive to be,
Though I may not be now,
Just sit back to wait & see.

Ive come so far to this day,
Loosing ugliness and pounds,
Though I may look different,
My esteems still on the ground.

My hair may be straightened,
The teeth I have are white,
I now have clear skin,
My eyes are blue & bright.

But although I look great,
My feelings are the same,
No matter how perfect I am,
My insides will not change.

I still feel ugly & fat,
Whenever I look in the mirror,
Its like I havent changed,
My old appearance is still here.

And the person that I was,
Still haunts me through the days,
I dont think Ill get better,
Or that Ill ever be okay.

The things people have said,
The taunts, rumors, and lies,
Will always stick with me,
They will never say goodbye.

So to myself I will forever be,
Considered fat ugly and pale,
No matter how pretty I get,
Or what I weigh when on the scale.

You see everyone I did something,
That I regret right to this day,
I allowed them to effect me,
I listened to what they had to say.

I cried when I got called ugly,
Felt hideous when I was called fat,
Ashamed when I was called pale,
I survived the personal attacks.

So then one day I had enough,
I couldnt take it anymore,
I decided to take their advice,
My apearance was an open door.

I started on a strict diet,
In attempts to loose some flab,
Soon it grew to anorexia,
Anything to get pure perfect abs.

The weight started to melt,
From my arms to my thighs,
Emerging with high cheekbones,
Right beneath my eyes.

And then I started to obsess,
About beauty from skin to eyes,
I had a dream to be perfect,
It was either acheive it or go die.

So heres the person I am today,
Im tempted to go back to being,
The mess I once used to be,
At least back then I was ME.

err. just ranting. apparently. haha.