Four Years

Its been fours.
Four years of pain,
Four years of lies and secrets.
Four years of letting myself fall between the cracks.
After four years i would have thought i could just stop.
That i could just let go.
leave behind my past and start over new.
I tell myself tomorrow's a new day.
the day I'll finally save myself from who I'm becoming.
But i cant.
These four years are my addiction.
an addiction of pain, unhappiness and unhealthiness.
I'm addicted to my own self suffering.
And though i wish my new day would start tomorrow,
I just cant let go of my four years.