Living a Lie?

I lay awake in my bed at night,
Wondering what is real.
My life, or my dreams?
Neither one I feel.

Feeling that I have no true friends
Wondering if they are there for me.
Are they truly understanding?
Can they really see?

See how I feel inside?
How I'm in such despair?
Shrouding myself in a world of nothing,
I feel myself begin to tear.

Tearing away from
everything and everyone.
Will they even miss me
When I'm done and gone?

Gone somewhere to
find my place.
Somewhere alone
With nothing but my space.

Space for nothing else,
Nothing left to hide.
Nowhere to find a haven
For my scared and twisted mind.

A mind everyone is scared of
That no one can pry.
Everything is falling to pieces,
Crashing down and making me cry.

Crying out for relief,
Wanting to feel cared for.
But every time I try,
They just go and slam the door.

The door leading to my heart is closed,
Only one had the key.
One so dear and important,
That man who saved me.

Saved me from a life of loneliness
From a life of tormentful tears.
He sheltered me in his arms,
And Pushed away my fears.

Fears of being forgotten,
Were once washed away.
I knew when I was with him,
I would never be lead astray.

Astray from a life I once knew,
He was leading me back to it.
He made me feel happy,
Made me never want to quit

Quit. . .
I See reasons why I should now.
Because he's gone,
No where to be found.

Found myself alone in the world,
No one to help me again.
No one to lead me to light,
No one to just be a friend.

Friends I call back stabbers,
Trying to hurt and deceive.
They do it for one reason now,
Because they're afraid of me.

Me. . .
What am I really about?
What is it about the world
That I truly doubt?

Doubting weather I'm
Important or not.
Its me that I am, will
and already have fought.

Fought to keep everyone happy,
Wanting so much to give.
As I lay awake in my bed at night,
Looking for one reason to live.

Living just to please others,
Living like I'm going to die.
But then I stop and wonder,
If I'm just living a lie. . . .