A love they thought would not last

by heartbroken247   Feb 12, 2007


It started in school, thought it ended there,
Five years later, thougt i did not care,
Tried to move on, forget about the past,
Put it off as a relationship that would not last,
Alot of people would hate, said it was not meant to be,
As long as we were not together, they did not care what made us happy,
Now i found you again, the love of my life,
Makes it all worth it, the pain, struggle, and strife,
You are my prince, i will treat you like a king,
To keep you as mine i will do anything,
I have always loved you, and always will,
To find a love like ours, alot of people would kill,
I am so blessed to have you in my life again,
And this is where i will let this poem end...

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by LiisaMariie143

    Aww this is cute. i can relate.

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenni

    Okay, I'm going to tell you why I felt that this poem was mediocre & I want to give you some constructive criticism, because I have noticed that no one else has commented on it and it has almost 200 views.

    You started out strong in the beginning, with a grand emotional appeal to many of the viewers, but then your story kind of faded and it lacked.

    The flow was thrown off in many places. You need to work on trying to get everything to rhyme in syllables like 7-8-7-8 or something to that affect. Flow is key to a poem, and I felt that it was nonexistent.

    You have exhibited great writing skills, it is obvious that this came from your heart. However, from an educational standpoint, it is rather weak.

    The ending, was cliched. I will admit however, that I have written a poem that ended in such a way. Not every poem is the best that we can write, remember that. Also remember that it is okay to revise poetry if needed or suggested.

    I hope that you do not get offended by this, I was just putting an honest opinion in, because I can see that you have a passion for writing, I just want to try to help exemplify that passion.

    Jenni.
    Keep writing, & do not get discouraged!

  • 17 years ago

    by x!*Just wanna be loved*!x

    Aww thats beautiful! glad u wrote it! x

  • 17 years ago

    by heartbroken247

    This is a poem that i wrote for my high school love, which has recently been rekindled, wish us luck...

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