I felt I wanted more in life
And I thought I was succeeding,
But I realize I don't know what I want,
And my inner confidence is receding.
I hate not knowing what I really want,
I don't know what I should do.
I hate feeling this way,
Oh yeah, my feelings are annoying too.
I don't believe I know who I am,
Or what I want to be.
If only I had the confidence,
If only I could see.
I look at all my friends and peers
And notice their weaknesses and strengths.
I see how they act to achieve success,
And I don't see me going to those lengths.
I thought I knew what I wanted
And maybe I still do,
But I don't know where I fit in
And I'm not sure if I know how to.
I hate being pessimistic and optimistic,
Because being both is hard.
On the outside I may look together,
But on the inside I'm torn apart.
I know I should be happy,
And I thought that would be enough.
But just knowing doesn't make it happen.
I guess it's just too tough.
I'm going to try and reorganize myself,
To figure everything out.
I really want to have confidence
Without feelings of doubt.
And when all of this is over
I hope that I will see,
That all along I really was
All that I could be.
**
I want people to know who I am, not who I act like - but who I am on the inside.
Although I discovered that achieving this seems to be impossible if I don't even know, myself.
The fact is that I'm not eager to know who I am yet- and who I'm not- because I have a conception that knowing would make me feel limited to who I could be.
I'd feel trapped in the impression that this is who I am and all that I am and ever can be.
Right now I'm not sure what to do and whether there's a loop hole to this fact, that I could get through.
But I want to figure it out soon, because it's eating me up inside, this feeling of indecision…
Maybe the solution is clear- to get used to not knowing, to just live with the uncertainty. Then maybe- just maybe- I can begin to feel secure about myself and everything that I was, am, and all that I could be.
