Behind this smile, I hide. No one really knows it is fake, the fact that I am hiding behind it, or how hard it is to keep it up. Behind this smile, is a little girl-a little girl scared to come out. She is scared and does not trust anyone. Behind this smile, I hide the pain; I hide the tears. Behind this smile, I hide the scars and the bleeding wounds. I hide the nightmares and the need to run away, Behind this smile, I hide the need to be someone else; someone worthy of being loved. Behind this smile, I hide my fears and all that I am afraid of. Behind this smile, I hide the horrible memories of my father. Memories of my father slamming me against the wall, slapping me in the face, and ripping my clothes off when I had no fight left. I hide all of my insecurities and the things I need to fix; the things I need to change. Behind this smile, is all the guilt, all the questions that will never be answered. Behind this smile, I hide. It's my safe guard, my secret weapon that no one ever suspects. Behind this smile, I hide the fear of what will happen. What will happen if I ever really let this all go? How many different things would this little girl feel? She gets really close sometimes, but I only push her away. I have built a wall around her. She is my heart. No one gets in. There is no way to comfort her. Behind this smile, I hide the stress, the anger, and the frustrations for what happened to little Stephanie. I am lost. I cannot know or find myself because I hide behind this smile.
