Do you even realise?

Do you even realize why I am hurt?
I want to hang but you always thwart
Every chance we can so whats the point?
I dont even know if I would disappoint
Being friends is something we are not
We may talk a lot but weve hit a clot
We could see a movie with friends
Or just walk and joke it all depends
If you think I have hopes thats true
But you defeat the ability to see something new
I am and am not the same as I once was
I have lost and gained new flaws
Many times my heart turned to stone then mush
Having to rebuild every time with my minds brush
So how can you know what would happen?
Or is that the problem causing this to happen?
So far I think ahead looking for a solution
But its leading only to my minds pollution
Lost in the thick emotional haze
The fears start to be set ablaze
What if I am left with the what ifs?
And never able to move away from the cliffs
Left with only the chance to fall and crash