Fake

My pockets must have holes
cause I'm broke again,
I always grind up poles
to save me in the end.
My baby boy cries
he's starving to death,
I keep telling him lies
so he can catch his breath.
Money by the hour
doesn't work for me,
many men devour
all my sanity.

I have no control
I do as I'm told,
I'm losing my soul
as my boy grows old.
These drugs i take
for I am too ashamed,
I just cannot fake
my disgust in vein.

I promise son
today is the last day,
we'll finally have fun
I'll be here to stay.
One more needle,
is all i need
for this little
man of greed.
Here goes another bill
in drugs again,
I'll be going back up hill
and find better friends.

As it courses through my veins
I fear i won't dance tonight,
I just can't explain
what I'm feeling inside.
I shouldn't have came,
I'm going back home
I'm the one to blame
for leaving my boy alone.

I head for the door
but feel real weak,
i fall to the floor
with shaking knees.
Ethan, Mommy is almost there
she just has to stand,
breathe in air
and grab life's hand.

But when i get back
I'll hug you till dawn,
no more taking smack
mommy knows it's wrong.
Oh God i see the light!
Please don't take me right away,
i can't end this all tonight
I'm begging, i pray!

The holes in the clouds
are my peek holes to your life,
i hear you scream out loud
as you pulling through strifes.
Mommy watches all the time
and knows how you feel
erase me from your mind
cause i was never real.