Torn apart

by Kaila   Apr 6, 2007


Best friends we use to be.
Best friends just you and me.
Up all night, and sleep all day.
With my best friend, I'd always stay.

But Now I feel like I'm in a constant fight.
To keep this friendship nice and tight.
You have moved on to someone new.
Someone now who's just like you.

I feel like I'm in a tug of war.
Just to walk into your front door.
She's taking all your time away.
Now I can't even come over, she's here to stay.

I'm fighting as hard as I can.
To win you back, but it's out of my hands.
I'm tired of the fighting, and of the greed.
She's one you now, she did succeed.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by SmileeItsBritt

    This is almost too simple, but it sends the message very clearly...nice job!

  • 18 years ago

    by Vanessa

    She's one you now, she did succeed.

    One should be won
    Other that that i think you did an excellent job on this poem. the emtion was clear, and the flow was good. well penned 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Great write, I enjoyed the read. The flow as well as the structure was good. The rhyme in this poem was excellent, keep on writing, you're talented.

    This line, "Up all night, and sleep all day." should either be changed to, "Up all night, and slept all day." OR "Up all night, and sleeping all day." because the way you have it, you are contradicting yourself with present and past tenses, try to keep it the same tense.

    In this line, "Someone now who's just like you." did you mean "now" or "new" from the way I read it, it should be "new"

    Also this line, "She's one you now, she did succeed." I don't think you meant "one" for it is the number, I think you meant "won" meaning winning (or in the case of this poem, Winning her over you) Therefore the line should read, "She's won you now, she did succeed."

    Peace, Joe

  • 18 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Once again, well done.
    So sad and I hope you will find
    someone. Or at least I hope this
    isn't true. WElld one! God Bless 5/5
    4/6
    <3Tay(^__^)

  • 18 years ago

    by Austin

    I know what it feels like to lose friends...it'll be ok. Wonderful poem great read though! This is one of my favourites so far!!

    5/5 ;)

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